The Silent Ones
by Eris'-twin-sister
Summary: AU. One shot about Merlin's feelings if he lost the people who knew about the magical side of him. Hurt without much comfort. T because I'm paranoid. Reviews are welcomed.


**A.N. This is my very first fan fiction so there may be some mistakes or misprints. It's an A.U one shot which I wrote a long time ago and thought it would be good to publish. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. **

It's funny how fate can be so wrong, thought Merlin. Mordred and Morgana had died by his hand and Arthur was still alive, but while he was more understanding about magic, Merlin could never tell him. There were more people who had magic who were willing to help keep an eye on Arthur. However, all those who knew he had magic were dead and he was beginning to wonder if anyone would ever know.

He and Arthur had come back from a hunting trip to find Gwen sobbing over Gauis' limp form. He had died in his sleep while Merlin was away and that was the breaking point for Merlin. First Will then Freya, Balinor, Lancelot, Hunith and now Gauis, the man who was the closest thing he'd ever gotten for a father. Merlin didn't know how long he stayed there, crouched beside Gauis' body or how long he held his hand but he didn't care. Everyone who knew him, the real Merlin was dead now and there was nothing he could do to bring them back.

Gauis' funeral was a blur, partly from the constant stream of tears but mostly because he couldn't comprehend that Gauis was really gone. He half hoped that it was just some twisted joke and that soon Gauis would spring up and hugged Merlin and Arthur would laugh at him and tease him for crying. But each time Merlin looked at Gauis he knew that it wasn't a joke. He was gone forever. He couldn't remember what Arthur had said to him or when Gwen had hugged him and whispered something into his ear or when Gwaine patted his back and muttered something to him. He wished desperately that Lancelot was here or Hunith or even Will. They would have understood.

He left for the lake of Avalon the next morning and had been sitting there ever since. They knew him so well and now they were forever silent. He could still remember their faces so clearly, especially before they died, but he preferred them when they were happy, laughing and smiling at him. He could remember when Will found out, the shock and excitement on his face. He looked at Merlin and then embraced him gruffly still grinning from ear to ear. Whenever Merlin used magic Will always had that large grin on his face. Will, Merlin decided, should not have died like that. An arrow in the back seemed so wrong for Will.

Freya was the next to have gone. He could remember her shy, hesitant smile as she looked at him through her dark hair. She twirled around in the borrowed dress smiling and almost in tears from the kindness Merlin had given her. He could remember all the little details about her, the way she moved, talked, the way she even ate. He still loved her dearly, despite her dying years ago, despite her curse and despite the fact he could not save her. He could remember her last words "You made me feel loved." before she closed her eyes and died peacefully in his arms. Merlin swallowed painfully and then let out a small sob of pain. He wished that they could of run away together and lived in a house beside the hills and the lake. Fate clearly had other ideas.

Balinor, the man who was his father. He had that wild, dark hair and sorrowful eyes that pained Merlin greatly. He was a man of great passion and expressed them with just a simple look. He had carved a dragon and Merlin still had it with him, it was in his hand right now in fact. He ran his fingers along the wings of the dragon and sighed. He regretted that he hadn't known him better and although he had saved Camelot he felt bitter that he inherited his Dragon Lord gift through his father's death. It felt wrong to use it, like it was an offense to his father, even though he knew his father would disagree with him. He looked at the dragon, still running his fingers along it and smiled slightly at the familiar feeling of it.

Lancelot was his best friend. He knew Lancelot had been in pain ever since he had been knighted and had to endure watching Arthur and Gwen everyday. At times it was almost unbearable to see the look in Lancelot's eyes. At other times Merlin thought that he was getting better and getting over Gwen but he would always catch that painful glint in his best friend's eyes. Merlin often considered using magic to remove Lancelot's pain but he knew that it would never work. Lancelot understood Merlin and, like Will, would often have a big smile or a look of awe on his face whenever Merlin used his magic. He had never felt so helpless though when he was up against the Dorocha. Merlin had been so ready to give himself up there and then only to see Lancelot had slipped past him to the veil. His face Merlin would, could, never forget. It was just a small, sad and brief smile before he stepped into the veil, arms opened as if to embrace it.

Hunith, his dearest mother and the person he considered the most important person in the world. She was a kind, loving woman who he loved and missed dearly and wished so dearly that she had not died. She had a high fever and was sweating and coughing constantly. He had been so desperate that he had even called the Dragon to help him, but had been told that she could not be healed, not even with magic. Merlin felt like it was the Dorocha all over again. She knew she was dying and had stroked his hand gently and said softly to him that no one could save her, that she didn't fear or care about dying and that he shouldn't feel sorrow about her death. When she had died he curled up into her side and wept for hours before even thinking of moving. It had been one of the most painful moments of his life.

Gauis was his mentor, no his father. He could use his face to express himself so well (especially his eyebrows) and could be so terrifying to Merlin yet he had given his life in the place of Merlin's. He had protected Merlin countless times and Merlin knew that Gauis loved like a son. In many ways he was a son to Gauis and every dinner there would be a time where they were laughing over something. Gauis had always been there, through the hardest and most heart breaking moments he was there to help Merlin get through it. Ever patient, ever kind and ever loving, like his mother. When his mother had died he could remember Gauis sitting down next to him on the bed, leaning over and hugging him. He held onto Gauis as if he was drowning and felt that he could not let go. Gauis was now gone in such a mundane, irrelevant way that Merlin felt that he deserved better. They all deserved better.

Merlin stared at the lake silently crying. Fate had taken everything from him and silenced the ones who loved the real, magical Merlin. Around them he could perform magical tricks, talk about past adventures and could still be loved. Without them there was not much left. His job was done, Arthur was king and had united the kingdoms and he was still alive. Morgana and Mordred were dead and now Arthur had other magical people who were willing and able to protect him. Merlin could stop now. Merlin stared at the lake and smiled, his eyelids fluttering. He could of sworn that he felt someone hugging him.

**Reviews are welcomed, but no flames please.**


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